


Carving

by Subtle_Shenanigans



Series: As The Pendulum Swings, And The Grandfather Chimes [13]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Asperger's Syndrome, BUT NOT EVERYONE CARRIES OUT THE ACTIONS, Depression, Gen, I can't focus much today, I'm not actually angry lol, OCD HAS TO DO WITH THOUGHT PROCESS TURNED INTO COMPULSIVE ACTS, OCD can be great at keeping on task but it can also be a cruel and demanding task master, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Psychoanalysis I guess, Second person POV, Synethesia (I have weird varying forms of it that can't be explained), This has been a PSA by me, contemplative piece, felt like I needed to update this, this really only focuses on the OCD though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 12:05:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14915054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subtle_Shenanigans/pseuds/Subtle_Shenanigans
Summary: Circles can be bad or good, depending on the view.





	Carving

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno I just felt like it was time to update this, and this vent series helps me work things out.
> 
> I've been wanting to Astra's OCD for awhile, but I'm so dissociated from myself that I'm barely aware of what I do in regards to it. I know I'm diagnosed, I know I have it; my thoughts get stuck in a circular and I will literally walk back in forth in a pattern stopping at five different points, over and over.
> 
> I did recently realize that my OCD really shines in regards to my writing.

_Carving_

* * *

 You don't always fall victim to the loops.

   Thoughts in a circle made with a vector program so that it can never be truly round; transitions of smooth lines and jerking turns.

   You don't always.

    But whether or not you are drawn that far, and to that point, the wires of metal anchored in your arms and across you bones press in to the very fabric of _you_ , and while usually subtle, can tighten their hold suddenly and lead you on a path.

again.

and again.

again.

_round round round round don't stop two more don't stop until it feels fuchsia no wait until purple-_

   And if it's not physical and mental tangling up into a clump like that, then it is purely the instinct-thought of repetition that leads you on.

    Something that catches your attention is writing; you've always been a big reader - heck, you've read your favourite book more than thirteen times - but the pure thrill that seizes at sharing words, pouring out and falling into sync from your own self are like nothing you've ever experienced before.

   But even the task master sinks it's talons into this.

   You read what you wrote, before writing the next chapter. You reread it, each and every time, to make sure everything is consistent, and that you didn't miss spelling mistakes. Again, and again. The taste is the smell of damp printing paper, words becoming as monotonous tasting as numbers. 

    You read again as you plan.

    Each time you stop halfway through, you have to reread the draft before you can start typing again, and again, and again.

     That's why you prefer to finish tasks within the same block as when you started - art, writing, puzzles, _anything_ of that sort.

    If you don't, well-

      _bad worry bad this is bad trouble something bad is going to happen must finish must must must_

     But though these talons can seize, and tighten their hold, they do lend their own aid - a determination to complete tasks, and the drive to do so.

    Smooth transitions, consistent information.

    And when there is no lead or cause for anxiety, there is a comfort and amusement to continue round and round in circles.

**Author's Note:**

> Eh this was a weird one, but for my 70th work on AO3, why not? (I think I have about the same o FF, which some is crossposted here.)
> 
> So, when I was writing _Sacrifice_ I would reread every chapter in whichever arc I was working on. Similarly, with _Disassociation_ , I've reread both my Subnautica AUs multiple times to plan for another one, and for the Roommate AU I kept rereading all three pieces for the reveal fic. I can't even tell you how many times I've reread _Static_. But hey, this is how I keep things sorta coherent.


End file.
